There stil is a part of me that yearns for this to work.
And of course there is a part of me that feels I’ve gone too far in the wrong direction.
I wish we could make this work for them, I wish we could.
I understand that you probably hate me, I don’t blame you.
But I just I wish I could purge you from my life entirely or make you my world.
And I keep writing song after song hoping that this one will make it all feel okay.
But they don’t.
I am happy that you’ve found someone that can make you feel good about all this, but can you honestly and truely say that I never did?
I never made you happy? Because I know for a fact that you made me happier than I have ever been.
My life is so different than it was 3 months ago. SO very different.
I really wish we had made this work, because I know it could’ve been great and I know I say I’ll never regret a thing, but this willl be an exception.
I regret not trying harder.
I regret not trying.
I loved you so much and I know I didn’t show it as often as I should have.
I understand and accept that you have moved on completely and I respect that.
But I have not. I am nowhere near feeling good about this.
I still wonder “what if” almost daily.
feel free to never touch me
feel free to never touch this life again
i can’t say i would miss you
not at all
…
and as the air thickens with the white dust that is what is left of my ever grinding
knuckles
i can easily say that i truly hate can not live without your presence
and so thank you good sir
adieu
you must understand
this is where i cross over
i disappear
and walk on the pavement of another plane of existence
a place i’ve never seen
a lack of fear
but the complete presence of confusion
pleasant though
really rather pleasant and almost transcendental
a grand journey of discovery
is mine.
